Homesick

But probably not in the same way you’re thinking. I went back to London on Wednesday, where my family is and where I grew up. I hadn’t seen them in almost three months (which for me is a long time). When I travel abroad, I don’t usually go away for longer than a month, so this was definitely the longest I had been from home.

Because of work and other commitments I was trying to fulfill, I kept postponing my trip back to London. It however came to a point, that the only way to go home was to literally force myself to.  I forced myself to request some leave from my supervisor ,and to pack a suitcase the night before. As I had been in Leeds for much longer this time, my feelings were fluctuating worse so. A part of me wasn’t excited to be back at home and I wasn’t particularly keen on leaving. I was missing the people here terribly. It got so bad that as soon as I arrived in London, I wanted to leave again. Everything was looking so alien to me (the day I arrived in London was the day of the terrible terrorist attacks at Westminster) and it felt like for the first time, I didn’t come to the right place.

I knew that eventually these feelings would go away and I’d be ok again. They did and I was. I spent most of the day studying (maybe subconsciously, to feel like I was in Leeds again), and in the evening I’d go out-for example, the cinema with my cousins watching Beauty and the Beast(!) or dinner for Mother’s day. Things felt normal again.

When I travel back and forth, I always get mixed feelings about the opposite location (which I have actually blogged about in the past). As I type this post heading back to Leeds on the train, I listen to one of my favourite Sinhalese singers Pandit Amaradeva, but I know he’s songs aren’t ones I’d typically listen to in Leeds, because I associate them with London and family.  I know these are feelings I’ll have to overcome and get used to. I believe that where I am now is propelling me forward. I just have to keep going, and keep telling myself…

Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts-Oliver Wendall Holmes

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