Having worked in this psychiatry post for almost a month now (seriously, where does the time go?), I realised that I’m still trying to adapt to the things and to the people around me. I’m very slowly getting used to the idea that in this job, you run your own diary, and your own show. As sad as this sounds, I got very excited when I created my own list of patients(!). This maybe the first time in four years, that I feel like a ‘grown up’ doctor.
I tried to think why it is that all of a sudden, I feel this grown up. Two ideas came to mind:-
-Working in a community orientated environment does mean you’re basically in charge. In previous hospital jobs, particularly A&E and stroke, you’re definitely not in charge.
-I’m surrounded by older psychiatrists!
So now that I realised this, I pictured myself amongst the others. I definitely didn’t look grown up. I noticed that my colleagues owned things I didn’t have, such as:-
- A diary (not your personal day-to-day diary, but one for home visits etc)
- A flask (there’s a lot of tea drinking!)
- A bag
In point 3. I actually mean a proper work bag, one that makes you feel mature and sophisticated. I’m afraid my rucksack doesn’t quite cut it..I look like a twelve year old with it!
I therefore decided to do a little shopping. In addition to my weekly grocery shopping, I also purchased these extra things. Funnily enough, when I treat myself to something (which is rather rare!), I subconsciously tend to spend less on my other shopping. Halfway through purchasing however, I thought to myself-am I doing the thing that I told myself not to do, am I conforming to the others’ expectations? I couldn’t tell which was worse, conforming or realising that I might just be getting a little bit older.